Vaginal birth or Caesarean? Both Terrifying...

I was afraid of the unknown. I was fearful of labour. I was scared of tearing. But I was petrified of surgery.

So I got curious. I started doctor googling. I decided to research what to expect in labour and I went deep. And the deeper I went, the more I was learning that there was nothing really to fear but fear itself.

I came across something called HYPNOBIRTHING and initially felt like I should avoid getting distract by this voodoo...

But as I listened to some TedTalks, on the actual science and physiology of birth, I started to feel inspired.

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“The only reason for pain in child birth is fear.”

I wouldn't have considered not taking the epidural if not for my fear of surgical intervention. With every step in my learning journey I was gaining confidence in my self empowerment, but also coming across something I had never heard about - sometimes something that added more fear. Hospital procedures that I wanted to avoid, clinical exams that sounded invasive, and the cascade of interventions. This small chance of a chain reaction from limiting what I could feel in labour, affects on my already low blood pressure, and the increased risk of “failure to progress”, all potentially leading to my worst case scenario (besides the obvious) - led me to wonder if I could actually go through labour without any pain relief. And so that became not just a part of my Birth Plan, but the preparation became part of my Hypnobirthing practice in the lead up to my first born.

During my lunch hour every day for a month, I watched an unmedicated positive birth experience on YouTube. Most of what I watched brought me to tears. I held my belly and felt her kicking as I cried. I couldn't wait to experience that joy.

Part of hypnobirthing involves a lot of language shifts. Instead of contractions, you can refer to them as surges, or even waves. Rather than 'push', we talk of 'breathing' baby out. As I'm watching these incredible women, I keep this language in my mind. I practiced visualisations of my own birth. I would see myself opening up like a flower as the sun emerges. I would see the tide coming in slowly, with each wave getting closer bringing the ocean higher. I would do this while listening to my favourite calming playlist in the bath - a place I was anticipating spending some of my time in labour.

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My first birth story

When I say my birth experience was close to that of what I visualised, I mean, I was literally there, in that same place. In the morning I went out shopping to distract myself, knowing I still had a long way to go and these little waves were not in any way troubling. It took several hours for the intensity to get to a point when I felt I needed to practice what I'd learned and really breathe through it. I rode every surge (or contraction) quite literally like a wave. I would embrace it as it would rise, and sink into the relief of it dissipating. I would count down in my head with each breathe, knowing that by end of the breathe I would feel relief. And as each surge grew more intense, I visualised myself opening more and my baby coming closer to me.

It all got quite exhilarating as we headed for hospital and learned for the first time that there is absolutely no safe way to sit comfortably in the car when in labour. By the time I arrived at the hospital I was 7cm dilated and our baby was born within an hour of admission to our room. I gave birth kneeling on the hospital bed with it raised almost at a right angle so that I was leaning over the top. I came to the hospital equipped with resources for every possible scenario that could go wrong. They had exercises I found through studying the content on spinningbabies.com and were available for my partner to advocate for these tools as alternatives to any unwanted interventions.

We didn't need any of those resources, nor did we need to decorate the room with photos or incense to stay calm. I just had my usual playlist that I'd been using while visualising this birth playing from my phone. That was the closest thing I had to pain relief and I did not experience anything that I personally describe as pain. What I experience was incredibly intense. It felt like my body was a vehicle experiencing turbulence and God Himself was in the driving seat. Just like the reflex of regurgitation causes you to heave involuntarily, my body was heaving through my pelvis and causing the urge to push.

There's no denying the feeling of your perineum stretching to allow more space for your babies head to come out. It doesn't have to happen fast.

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My second birth story

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As I write this, I can see my belly being perpetrated by by 3rd baby. This one will be born at home with a midwife present, as well as their dad and siblings.

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